I wonder if my presence makes it easier or worse for his family. We were basically two versions of the same person.

God have mercy.

My cousin, who is six months younger than I am, didn't wake up this morning. He was visiting his parents and his bedroom door was still locked when they came home from church. His brother in law broke down the door and they found him. Still no word on the cause of death. He was the closest thing I had to a brother growing up and we were supposed to go on tour together.

To make things worse, my extremely emotional mother had just left for Texas when we heard. I can't let her hear the news while she's out there alone. It would kill her, and I don't mean that figuratively. We bought plane tickets for my sister to go deliver the news and bring her home in person. I hope no one calls her to offer condolences before we reach her.

In the midst of all this, some things seem to be working. His sickly mother was supposed to be on that trip with my mother, but she cancelled. That definitely would have been a second funeral. It happened when he was visiting family rather than alone in his apartment, where no one would have known. His sister, who had been living with her husband and baby overseas, had recently come back home.

I'm fairly confident he would have had no regrets with the life he lived until now.