Okay, so you’ve been invited to a swanky dinner party, and you really don’t want to go. Instead of dreading the hours spent in mindless chatter with all the society snobs talking endlessly about absolute drivel, think of the fun you could have at the event.
With the utilization of potted meat, you could turn an otherwise mindlessly boring night into a load of laughs. For you, that is.
Take a can of this:
![[Linked Image from farm8.staticflickr.com]](http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7062/6977760759_c392120ef3.jpg)
Finely chop some onion and garlic and jalapenos, add it to the potted meat food product, mix thoroughly, then put it in a serving bowl and call it bean dip. When nobody’s watching, nonchalantly place it on the table where all the other dishes are, then stand back and watch the expressions of the people as they sample the dip. At a formal shindig, chances are most people won’t dare to criticize the food. Even better, they’ll feel obligated to have more than one bite so as not to potentially offend the host.
If bean dip’s not your thing, put the meat in a bowl, and then taking a tablespoon full at a time, shape the substance so that it resembles a slice of paté. Just as with the last suggestion, sneak it into the food serving area. Make a point of telling two or three people that the paté is simply wonderful and they must go try it. Then watch their faces as they struggle to maintain their composure so as not to embarrass themselves. If your victim is a true upper-class twit, he’ll take pains to praise the paté himself, as he will assume that if he doesn’t like it, then something must be wrong with him.
Nothing is more important to a true blue-blood than maintaining composure and avoiding acting inappropriately in any way. Thus, when he goes to take his seat and you manage to drop a spoonful of potted meat product on the seat right before his derriere hits it, chances are good that his facial expression won’t betray the fact he’s just sat in the mess. No, he’ll manage to keep proper decorum. But you’ll know the truth.
Take some potted meat, shape it into a ball, and then when no one’s watching, send it rolling off through the room. Sooner or later, someone will step in it and the fun will begin. The need to act appropriately at all times will instantly clash with the desire not to track whatever the heck he just stepped in around the persian rug where he’s standing. He must either then remain where he’s standing for the rest of the night, or try to discreetly inform the host that he just stepped in something. Then you can enjoy watching the host try to explain away the situation.
So, don’t despair. Next time you have to endure some long awful pretentious dinner affair, with a can or two of potted meat and a little imagination, you can change the party from hell into a barrel of fun.
