"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.” - George Wallace 1968 presidential campaign

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." - Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." - Dwight Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States.

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'" - Jessica Simpson

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." - Radio broadcaster, UK

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey

"I wouldn't run for president. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house." - Bono, lead singer, U2

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on." - Samuel Goldwyn, early Hollywood movie producer

"A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is proven." - Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." - Parish Magazine

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.