I got an ant farm; them fellas didn’t grow [censored].

I got an ant farm; them fellas didn’t grow [censored].

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

People tell me how hard it is to stop smoking; I think it’s about as hard as it is to start flossing.

I’m a hard act to follow, because when I’m done, I take the microphone with me.

You don’t have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade; you could just be a thirsty dude — Gatorade forgets about this demographic!

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said “No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.”

I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

I was gonna have my teeth whitened, but then I said [censored] that, I’ll just get a tan instead.