You still chase women, but only downhill.

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

Harry had won by such a narrow margin he might not have made it if Bess hadn't voted for her husband.

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Carter wants to go to Washington; he'll feel right at home there – he was raised on a nut farm.

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter… he's done nothing.