It's closing time, and a drunk who has had his fill of alcohol for the evening stumbles out of a bar. He begins to trudge his way home, when suddenly a firetruck goes whizzing by, lights and sirens going.

To the surprise of onlookers, the drunk takes off running as fast as he can after the firetruck. He keeps up for a moment, but the firetruck eventually gets away and turns a corner.

The drunk slumps to the ground, and just before he passes out yells, fist in the air
"FINE! KEEP YOUR F***ING ICE CREAM!"

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind.

My First Funeral

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen", "Praise the Lord", "Glory", and such. I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations -- I wasn't going to let this homeless man go out without someone taking notice of the service! I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for more than 20 years."

Those were all great Andy!

wow Andy there is no stoppong you.

"If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?"

Good one Andy!

Those were awesome! thanks bro!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbup.gif" alt="" />

Thanks. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I’ve been saving funny jokes off the net clear back in the BBS days. (before there was much of a net)