Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

Bumper Stickers for Democrats:


This One Is Voting For That One

I Can See Russia From My House

McPalin: A Bridge to Nowhere

Hey Sarah, I Can See the Moon from My Backyard, Does that Make Me An Astronaut?

McCain/Palin - Thanks, But No Thanks

Pregnant Unwed High School Dropouts for Palin

Abstinence-Only Education Really Works, Huh Sarah?

Free Levi

What's the Difference Between Palin and Bush? Lipstick

John McCain: Get Off My Lawn!

McCain/Palin: Incontinence and Incompetence

McCain/Palin: Unstable and Unable

Hey Sarah, I Can See the End of Your Political Career From My House!

If Sarah Palin Is Qualified, So Am I

Jesus Was a Community Organizer, Pontius Pilate Was a Governor

McSame/MILF

McSame As Bush

McAncient

Four More Wars!

Banned Any Good Books Lately, Sarah Palin?

No Country For Old Men

No You McCan't

Vote McCain…or the Vietcong Have Won

John McCain: More Wars, Less Jobs

McCain is a Fossil Fool

Sarah Palin, Dan Quayle with Lip Gloss

Sarah Palin, One Hockey Mom Who Should Puck Off

Somewhere in Alaska an Igloo Is Missing Its Idiot

John McCain, Like Bush, But Older

John McCain: Continue the Pain

John McCain: 100 Years of War in '08

Sarah Palin: Because John McCain Thinks You're An Idiot

Polar Bears Against Palin

Moose For Palin: Please Don't Send Her Back to Alaska

Horny Old Republicans for Sarah Palin

If I Owned 7 Houses, I'd Think the Economy Was Great Too!

Sarah, While You Were Looking at Russia, Maybe You Should Have Been Watching Your Daughter

Hey Palin, Can You See Reality from Alaska?

Hockey Mama for Obama

Barack the Vote

Barack's How I Roll

Got Hope?

Black is the New President

I Got a Crush on Obama

How do you catch a Polar Bear ?

Step 1: Cut a hole in the ice

Step 2: Line the hole with peas

Step 3: When the bear come to take a pea kick him in the ice hole

You must be from the Midwest. That is the first joke I remember from my childhood. LOL.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and asks: "Does this taste funny to you?"

just ran across this one....its a bit twisted, but I have to admit I laughed pretty loud...apologies in advance if anyone is offended


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage biker,
Biker Bob answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Biker Bob, but we have some information about your wife,"
said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Biker Bob shouted.

The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great
news. Which do you want to hear first?

"Fearing the worst, an ashen Biker Bob said, "Give me the bad news
first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found
your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Biker Bob. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the
good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five
pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her
and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, ! Biker Bob demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the
great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

With all the recent scandal about a golfer's mistresses, I heard that the PGA is changing his name from Tiger to Cheetah.

Two catapillars are crawling along,when a butterfly flies overhead.
One looks at the other and says,you'll never catch me in one of those things.

A student comes to a young professor's office hours.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.

"I have to pass this class," she pleads.

The professor looks at his grade book and shakes his head. "You've missed most lectures, you haven't done the homework, and the one paper you wrote was terrible -- it shows you don't know the material."

"But you don't understand!" she says. "If I don't pass your class, I can't graduate."

"The final is 50 percent of your grade," the professor says. "If you get 95 percent, you would end up with a D, which is passing."

"I would do anything to pass the final," she says.

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, 'I would do anything!"

"Anything?" he says, returning her intense gaze. "Do you really mean ...anything?"

"Absolutely!" she says, finally smiling broadly.

His voice turns to a whisper: "Would you...study?"

Tiger Woods Shorts

When Tiger Woods crashed his car into a fire hydrant outside his home in the middle of the night, at first his wife was reported to have used his golf club to smash him out of the car to rescue him. Later reports indicated that the gorgeous model had used the club on Tiger before he crashed -- rumors have it he had multiple mistresses. Apparently Woods is a Tiger in the sack, too.

Q: What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals?
A: They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

That's the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive at least 300 yards.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree -- he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver

I find it's a nightmare driving at 2:30 am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.

Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.

What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.

Q: What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning?
A: His wife wanted to go clubbing.

Formerly known as "Tiger", now known as "Cheetah".

Q: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?
A: Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Hollywood is already making a movie of Tiger's middle years --
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant"