'I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". '

'I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.'

'Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.'

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.'

'I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.'

'Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.'

I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: "That never stopped you before".

'The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.'

'Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.'

'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.'

'He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!' (in Monty Python's Life Of Brian)

Politics is just show business for ugly people.'