A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.