There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an [censored].

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

ostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.