Isn’t it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.

Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.

Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?