If you guys are serious about defending your life with a hand gun please start with a .22. Practice, practice, practice. If you end up going to a pro to get training, I can guarantee he/she will have plenty of firearms to try out.
Some are recoil sensitive no matter their stature.
Don't know where you live but ask around for a good pro to get you started right. If the same name keeps coming up, you have a safe bet they are good.
Asking such a general question in an open forum will get you more confused then anything. Take a firearms safety course first!