Patty was in a whimsical mood when I got home this morning and was working on a short story. Here is her result.


I am sure most everyone has heard the old adage about March coming in like a lion and out like a lamb. The weather was so nice yesterday that it finally motivated me to think about all the extra insulation my body had acquired during the winter months. I was feeling quite convinced I could leap and bound like a spring lamb. If there is one thing a Ladd (my maiden name) is know for, it is being obstinate. Before I went out, I foolishly decided I should see what I was up against. After digging out the dreaded bath scales, I gingerly approached them as if somehow sneaking up on them would help me weigh less. I was soon reeling in shock and my dismount would have won me a gold medal. I stood there having an argument with myself and cursing that hateful lying slab of metal. I decided it was a malfunction so I hung on to the wall and eased ever so slowly onto the demonic device. As I slowly let go of the wall I once more did a back-flip off the satanic springboard! By now I am about to hyperventilate. I bend forward trying to find my knees to hold on to. That's when I notice I have on my glasses! That's it! They are new glasses and I don't weigh with my glasses on. I took them off and approached the scales for the third time like a mongoose approaches a cobra. I slid one toe onto the edge of the cold calculator of flab delighted to see a tenth of a lb difference. I was smirking now over the clever way I had out witted the smart aleck hunk of junk. I surveyed my surroundings to make sure Randy wasn't around to see what I was up to then I began removing other unnecessary items that were weighing me down. With the confidence of Mohammed Ali I step boldly on the enemy prepared to crush it.... crush it I did. It leaped up another 2 lbs. With my head pounding like a sledgehammer, I have another argument with myself. I then came up with the conclusion the scales weren't balanced so I moved it around the bathroom floor trying to find the place with the least amount of gravity. I probably spent close to an hour getting on and off the scales before I suddenly I realized I had done enough exercise for one day! I put my clothes back on and ended my day (lion) lying on the couch!